Finally, an election I can digest

This election year has my knickers in a twist (phrase stolen from pal with a British husband), my stomach churning, and my head in a vice. The issues are vast and complicated, the nominees are of historic significance; so much is at stake.

And then there’s all the muck: lipstick on a bulldog, lipstick on a pig, bridges to nowhere. It’s starting to sound like like a cartoon. I’m waiting for the Wile E. Coyote and Roadrunner debates before I make a final decision.

It turns out, I won’t have to wait until November for relief. This morning, I opened the refrigerator, and found the election has taken a new turn, one that should be more *ahem* digestible for all of us. Of course, there’s still the issue of lipstick …

Image from Unilever

Apparently, the race is between “Progress is Possible” Spraychel and her greasy opponent, Maxwell Butterman, who promises to maintain the status quo.

Image from Unilever

Now, rather than figuring out who will be best to solve our economic woes, figure out what to do in Iraq, how to end foreign oil dependence, and if we should be allowed to read “Harry Potter” books, we can delve into such pressing issues as:

Reducing our saturated fat dependence, solving the “it doesn’t taste like real butter” woes, and what to do with all that dry, crumbly whole-grain toast.

** My pal Alias Liz Jones has her own take on the election. Pat her on the back if you visit, she didn’t resort to shameless product endorsement without compensation. See what this election is doing to my mind?